Dear Filthy Despicable Guests

Fuck You

This time it's *personal*  

Not yet it isn't.  I need to get warmed up.  Flaming you guests is a bit different than flaming poor Charlie.  Charlie and his human dildo, Eggraid, who are meant to serve as examples of what can and WILL happen to the guests here.

But worse things than what happened to those two morons can and also will happen to guests.  Extra Special Things.    

At least with Charlie and Dumbfknsummabitch, they're members, so certain rights apply, like that to speak.  You fuckers have no such right and no avenue available by which to attain such a right.  You're imagining things if you think there's a right to have rights around here. There isn't.  All rights are reserved, to ME!

We don't like your kind poking your nose around.  Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean you have a right to read it.  As I've already explained, if you read me, that's your fault, so I don't have to feel sorry for anything I do to you.  All my hostilities are justified.

You're all a bunch of conniving, cowardly sons-of-bitches.  What the F is wrong with you anyway, reading this site?  Nobody's supposed to be reading this site!  Seriously, who the F are you assholes?

Don't even get me started because, bitch, I finish what I start...

No.  I don't.  I'm not trying to "finish."  What is finishing anyway?  Finish why?  To be done?  How about just don't start it in the first place otherwise there'll be no end to it.  Or maybe it's finnish, like you sorta got fins or you are from Finland.  Or like you gotta polish a nice finish onto this turd?  

You see what I'm saying?  I'm the only one who can do this because I'm the only honest one among you.  I'm the only one that's trustworthy.  No matter what anyone says, don't ever believe in yourself.  That'd be stupid.  Believe in *me*  the mighty Psioncy!  

I'm highly reliable.  I pride myself on reliability.  When the sun goes down, I say my prayers to Jesus.  When I awake I say my prayers to Krishna.  Zarathustra said the evil is like a shadow that is reduced the closer it gets to light and eliminated once within the Light.  I guess that's capital L Light there.  So that's pretty clever.  I guess I'll pray to him too.  I'll try to pencil Zarathustra in between 4:30 to 5:30 AM every Wednesday and Friday right after Ganesh.  Then it's a morning of burnt offerings to Dyaus, the original sky father of the Indo-European plains, for like three fkn hours.   What I'm saying is that I barely have time to change robes and get from place to place.

But that's fine because I don't rely on religion.  My reliability does not stem from religious belief.  I simply have higher ethics and moral values.  I think people should do the shit they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it and not bitch.  Like just stfu and stop talking all the time.  M'fkrs never stop talking, yakkety yakkety yak yak yak!  God, please just kill all these people already so I don't have to listen to them.  That's why I'm praying for, shitbags.

Yeah right.  Everybody knows what a nice fucking guy I am.  M'fkrs all come on here like I'm not a nice guy and talking shit to me.  Fuck those assholes.  I'm a nice fkn guy.  It's very evident in how well-manneredly I tolerate this world of stinking bullshit assholes everywhere!

But just remember that tolerance does have it's limits.  Go ahead, fuck around and find out.  Or don't.  It'll all still happen regardless.  Maybe some of you here remember how the last iteration ended for the guests?  It wasn't pretty.  

I need to calm the fuck down.  That's how much you people are pissing me off!

Ok, breathe and do the mantra.  Breathe and do the mantra.  Breathe and do the mantra.  Breathe and do the mantra.  -=That's the mantra.  Saying that you're doing the mantra is the mantra.  I just thought that up.  What have you done in the last few seconds?  Nothing.

I am a chicken, now I am a duck.  Cluck cluck quack.

I literally just thought that up.  Epic!

Oh right, so what I was getting to before you so rudely interrupted my train of thought was that you my dear readers all belong to my religion.  Psionic Budhindaothustrianism, the religion that will instantaneously sweep across the galaxies as soon as it ever leaves Earth.

Earthlings don't deserve to have my religion, but the entire the rest of universe does.  It should be everywhere forever across the eternal ocean of the cosmos *except* for Earth. That's why you're all conspiring to keep it here on Earth, cuz you know once it leaves Earth everyone else will have it but you won't.  This is why you don't deserve my religion, it's why I don't care because like I just said, I don't give a F about Earth.  Well, I do a little because I am here.  That's about the only reason why.  Oh and the little babies before they get turned into assholes by people like our guests here.  What fine dirty rotten sons a bitches you all are, corrupting babies like that!

I hope a baby grows it's first tooth and uses it to gnaw all your faces off.  It'd be fitting.  

So what's all these TV shows?  I'm looking at the listing and I haven't heard of 96% of them.  Oh Quantum Leap is on there 2022 reboot.  Too bad I never saw one episode of the originals and never gave a fuck and never looked back on it.  Even locked in a hotel during covid for months and months it never occurred to me to download it.  Excuse me, you can't just do that shit, travel back in time and inhabit someone else's body.  It's not possible.  Only memory can travel back in time.  If m'fkrs could travel back in time, some super advanced ET world would have discovered it and gone back in time hundreds of billions of years in order to colonize the entire universe by now.  But you don't see ET m'fkrs everywhere, do you?  No.  You see people and animals that all evolved right here on Earth.  So they're out there, but they don't give a F about you.  And neither do I, because not only am I one the same side with the ETs, my words are guided by them.  The Threads are Holy here.  

Now, about these ETs I'm associated with—we'll just stick to calling them ETs for now, because specifics are a no-go zone with these guys. Bottom line: these vague ET dudes aren't too keen on you random pieces of crap reading this site. In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to drive all of you off, which is conclusionary living proof that what I'm telling you about these superadvanced ET dudes is true.  

There's no way to explain there being readers on here.  Probably of bunch of what used to be referred to around here as Poods.  The Poods were a Beijing-based group of homosexual foreigners.  Not like the band Foreigner, which rocks.  These guys are pussy ass garbage bottom of the barrel no-good cocksucking faggots.  I'm sorry, but I can't think of any more polite way to describe them than that.  I'm being generous.  The faggotry was endless with these guys.  There was a whole thread on TBJ once about that Count Queero fellah doing mouthies to another user called Wewe-mama and another called Ottercrap.  Nonstop real-life homosexual fucking and sucking drama going on with these Poods all the time back then.  That's all it was in those days, gay porn.  Satans Kingdom took a stand and put a stop to all that faggotry and guided them into extinction.    

Yeah, so a similar to far worse fate to that of the poods is slated for all guests.  Guests who are poods will get it twice as a bad. Stay tuned.  Keep reading.  Keep giving me power over you.  All I've been doing here is trying to prove to you how wisely and gently I will use that power.  Trust in Psioncy is the only tenant of your newfound faith.  I've never felt more clear-headed.  You can rely on me and our religion here, whatever it is.

You ever stare into the sunset and think, "Why the fuck am I staring at The Sun?" It's an eyesore and I want to get rid of it.  Period.  No discussion! I don't care if the Earth ices over in eternal darkness.  We'll harness geothermal vents to run our cavernous ice-cities.  Just nothing but ice and gas vents, gas venting up through the ice.  Light it up and you get fire and ice.  Ice starts melting, city collapses.  But we move on, us survivors, we move on.  We build our new civilization inside of an active volcano that's probably overdue to erupt.  That doesn't end well either, but we move on.  We evolve.  We evolve gills and translucent bodies with lighter eel-like bones and frames that allow us to survive off of geothermal vents deep under the ice sheet.  Our brains shrink drastically.  Fish intelligence might even be overstating it.  But it's fine.  WE OVERCAME!

Cut your horseshit.  Why do you always have to make something into some big hero story about yourself?  You're a translucent fishman now migrating from geothermal vent to geothermal vent lit up by bioluminescences, the only source of light in the dark ocean.  Migrating great distances between these cities through frigid utterly dark and lifeless spans between them.  And they're not cities per se, because humans are basically dumb fish again and they can't build anything.  I just mean these a lot of there's a lot of retarded homo mer-eel-folk feeding around the vents.  That shall be all that humanity remains until Earth finds another star to orbit, which could take billions of years.  So get comfy there guesticles.  That's what you call two or more guests clumped together, guesticles, like a couple of testicles but they're guests.  You know, since testicles usually come in pairs.  It makes sense.

Popeye had extra testicles in his forearms but they required strong dose of iron in the blood to activate, such as sucking a can of spinach down through your corncob pipe.  This brings the iron into direct contact with the lining of the lungs where it gets pushed into the bloodstream to rapidly reach the forearm testicles.  He'll turn red and steam will come out of his ears, his pipe will start tooting.  That's a tell that Popeye has.  It means he's coming after your asses.

The real-life Popeye and Brutus were a couple of butt-pirates.  Olive oil was a Thai Ladyboy who three-wayed with them frequently.  This was just how they liked sex back them, with some kookball narrative and side characters and drama.  It's all turn-of-the-century sex fetish that got cartoonified so kids would watch it and buy more yo-yo's or ding-dings or whatever bullshit they were selling these kids.  Like in The Great Depression they were probably running ads anywhere kids might look, telling them they needed some magic ring even though his family had been farming nothing but dust for three years in a row.  $2?  Why it'd take a kid a whole month to earn that much scratch.  But he's got the Little Rascals helping him.  Also the three stooges, who are never much help at all.  But they're funny, so why not just have 'em here?

The price of lemons is through the roof, but the gang figures out that the citrus wood soap solvent
Alfalfa's mother used to thin out wood soap, when greatly diluted in a barrel with hosewater then sugar added, makes a reasonably passable lemonade.  It's chemically but it's also citrus.  Most people are confused by the flavor and just drink it because it's hot out and they trust the Little Rascals Gang not to poison them.  Wrongly trust, I should say, cuz every customer dies within 1 second to 24 hours  after injesting it.  This caused a police problem at the lemonade stand which had them scrambling back off to the clubhouse.  Spanky declared the venture a success and handed me the two dollars I needed to buy my Lucky Magic Wing-Ding out of a comic book!  Then they all celebrated with lemonade and passed away by morning.  So while I'm happy I did finally get the money I wanted, I also kinda wonder a little bit if it was really worth it...?  

Popeye and his spinach-activated forearm testicles.    You jive-ass suckers will believe anything, won't you?  

Steve Austin, I remember having that toy when I was little, like 5 or something.  It was an action doll and he had circuit boards you could take in and out of his arms, attachments, outfit, etc.  You feel more like it's real when you're five years old and you see a dude on TV who is superstrong and saves his GF all the time and tracks the Sasquatch.  That was like a whole thing, I can even remember, between him and the sasquatch.  



See? That's proof. I promised all of you little maggots that you could trust me, didn't I? Why you don't listen to what I tell you?  Why you make me wanna smack-a-you uspide da head?  I can do whaaaaaatever I want to you here.  Just look at what all Charlie Tan has recently endured!  A far worse fate exists for the guests.  A nightmare of such terror of some sort.  It hasn't been developed much yet, but it will be.  It will be.  

Snooping is bad. It's bad to snoop. It's something you *know* is bad.

Then you keep doing it anyway.

That's why you're not welcome here. Your lack of self-control disgusts me.

You've been warned to go away plenty of times. The content here constantly rapes your eyeballs. So why you keep staring?

It must be you want more of it, cuz probably you're a bunch of masochists.

I don't respect masochists.

Why I could tell ya some stories about these Pood fellahs that would make your balls disintegrate, just like theirs did...

This one faggot named Herowanna was so hot and heavy with his raging faggot lover Lizard King that it spilled over onto this board.  Liz came on this board with an explosive tell-all, detailing her sex acts with Herowanna.  It shocked the entire Beijing expat community.  Count Zero, the ladyboy, filmed herself servicing all the Poods on a pool table at the Goose n' Duck. What was that other one they all hung out at, over the toilets in south Sanlitun, fkn Archie's Burger Shack or something?  After hours gay sports bar was more like it.  They'd sit up there with their phones posting to TBJ over a beer, refeshing themselves between their two-hour long suck off sessions down below in the south Sanitun public toilets.  Up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs, down the stairs...  

Herojuana I remember this guy, because I punched him in the face the moment I met him.  The dude dropped to the floor like a dense lump of crap.  Then he pissed himself and started crying.  Didn't matter to me cuz I was too busy walking out of the joint with the hot broad he'd been trying to impress.  

There was this other dude, Otter Von Piss-stain, who was an even bigger pussy.  I used to frequently beat the crap out of that guy whenever I happened to spot him out and about, which was frequently.  It got to the point he just carried around a slapjack to clock himself out with when he saw me coming.  Not a completely bad guy.  I appreciated him saving me some hassle.  

I personally saved Beijing from those faggots and their faggotry.  That's all they were there for was to spread it.  And they spread it all right.  Far and wide.  On a nightly basis.  

No way was I going to let that happen to my precious China!  Next thing you know there'll be a bunch of chinese fags running around everywhere!  No way was I gonna let that happen.

So I demised the Poods all at once and one by one.  Dismantled their whole operation.  Cursed them to Plethagon and left them there.  

I've *seen* the river Plethagon, m'fkrs.  I was supposed to meet Pi there for this dual he challenged me to but then the cowardly little bitch never showed.

It's not a place you want to ever see.  It's absolutely terrifying.  You won't even know what the fuck when you're there.  Shit is beyond weird.  

No question is the answer.  Stop looking for answers.  Don't ask questions!

You won't learn anything from me if you use critical thinking.  Everything will seem like something else and you won't know WTF.  I'm absolutely clear-headed and on target with this religion.  You don't have to worry.  The problem is language.  Language, as it exists in it's current form, is too primitive to express what profound shit I'm trying to express here.  Your primitive brain is the next part of this two-fold problem.  In other words, you don't understand what I'm saying because your brain is dumb.

Make sense?  Wait.  You're not dismissed yet.  It's my religion you're being forced to follow, isn't it?  It certainly isn't yours.  Stop trying to wriggle away from your blame.  I do the dismissing around here.  I can keep you here all night if I want.  Cuz you have to read it.  It's mandatory.  Some times the boss likes to stay late and make everybody listen to him pump up his own ego for hours.  He deserves that for being the boss.

You sad, weak-minded sons-of-bitches.  You don't see, cuz you ain't me.  Stop thinking.  Send me large volumes of money cuz I'm your religious leader.  I got some cool shit I wanna buy.  I think it would be good to develop a drone hover toilet.  Hear me out.  You basically attach four heavy duty drone propeller wheels up to the base of a portapotty.  People can use their Commutacrap app to hover over to their location and let them in.  That way the dude can take his dump while the flying portapotty wobblily hovers him to his destination.  Two birds with one stone solution.  This'll be the sell line: You gotta get somewhere but also you have to take a dump but you don't have time for both?  CommutaCrap is here!  

So what do you guys think?  Pros?  Cons?  I mean, you're paying for all this research so I do want to know what you think.  Might use you a bunch of you as test pilots for the prototypes.  See what happens when it tips over on your car or crashes into a treetop or electrical transformer.  Valuable product testing research insight like that is what I'm looking for before moving you into full-scale production. I'm saying we aim for a June launch?  You'll have to build them at home.  And pay for the materials and record it simultaneously from different angles.  These have to look professional people!

Ok, getoutta here, shitbags.  You got work to do.

Here's the thing.  Even though you're using drones, it still needs a pilot cuz there's four of them, so that means a pilot's seat will have be attached to the top of the portapotty.   You're up there with a couple of joysticks in the open air flying this thing around, acting as top-balast for when the tank starts to fill up between clients.  Carrying around a lot of shit and piss costs fuel so you also have a button to open a hatch at the bottom to release the raw sewage anywhere you feel it appropriate to do so.  Go dump it in someone's swimming pool, some asshole you don't like it.  Maybe the guy's one of those dick guys who is forever sucking all the oxygen out of the room and being a turd.  Who cares.  Frequent drops save fuel, so find some spots.  Don't ask.  Nobody's going to grant you permission to dump.  You just do it, stealthily.  Don't worry, there's soon gonna be so many of these flying around cities nobody will even know who dumped what shit where because there'll be so much shit all over the place it will no longer matter.  Or just leave the dump hatch open and allow the turds to freely fall wherever you happen to be passing by on your journey.  Waiving to other CommutaCrap pilots from atop their hover-potties, getting backed up in flying shitbox hover traffic.  Turds constantly falling from the sky.  This, my friends, is the city of the future!  

SK doesn't get off the ground until we get some donors.  It's been what, 14 years and still no mega-donors?  It's inexplicable.  

I read we can do a bitcoin link.  So, yeah, get all your money converted to bitcoin and just hold onto it until I get around to figuring out how to receive bitcoin.  In the meanwhile, we still accept sacks of cash.

Cuz this place, it's conceptually ready to launch Worldwide.  The only holdback is financing.  Our budget persistently stands at zero, quarter after quarter, year after year.  If you enjoy the content here and would like continue receiving it, please show your support by giving me as much money as you possibly can.  It will be used for more than just flying toilets.  We're also starting a reading program for feral cats.

Our unwavering mission here at Satan's Kingdom Feline Reading Association is to eradicate feline illiteracy worldwide from every corner of the globe.  We swear to ensure that every cat on the planet attains skills sufficient to pass a standardized reading comprehension exam.  That's our vow and that's our promise to the world.  A promise you can feel confident in knowing we will always keep.

Wings for Snakes is yet another SK eco-charity venture.  Snakes got screwed.  All the other vertebrates got to keep their limbs but the snakes lost theirs.  Now, I want you to imagine losing all your limbs...

Next imagine you are snake...

You see?  There's really no significant difference.  But you can make a difference if you splice together snake and bat DNA in order to give snakes the wings they need to finally fly free on their own.  To soar and swoop through the air, as snakekind was always meant to do.   Help bring hope to snakes by giving them the wings to fly.  

SKHTT is project to convert your loving financial donations into paying people huge salaries to think about purely hypothetical bullshit all day.  Questions like, "What does silverware talk about?  How do different utensils differ from other different utensils?  What's the hierarchy?" and so on.  Talk about magic dwarves, anything like that.  The key here is that nothing may relate back to practical or physical reality in anything resembling a sensible manner.  Just all dumb, pointless blabber.  Then that all gets published into a textbook. Which gets taught to cats.  By our friendly affiliates over at SKFRA.  

It's such a shame you pieces of crap can't post because I could really use some feedback.  Even critical feedback, if apologetically enough spewed while you figure out a way to blame yourself for everything, could be tolerated.  It might be of value because, who knows?  I may be off on some minor detail.  Some technical issue I failed to foresee, like the hovershitter's shithatch mechanism jamming because it's operated by analog lock pins that wear out when what we should have done from the start is go all digital on the cloud.  That just makes sense from a purely technical perspective.  A minor design flaw, like that, you are free to point out.  I will listen.  I'll listen without a trace of enmity towards you in my heart.  

Does anybody know how to take over the Internet?  Cuz that'd be a cool thing to do.  Would there be some way to spin that into a charity?   Because there's no way to do that without massive funding.  Sure, if someone just handed me 20 trillion dollars, then I could just pay people to take over the Internet for me, organizations that know WTF they're doing and have all the shit needed to do it. I don't have any of that crap, so like I could pay Russia and China each a trillion dollars apiece to help me do it, but now I'm concerned about being stabbed in the back by either Russia and/or China because they probably want to control the Internet too.  It's logical.  And whatevs cuz I've still got 18 trillion more dollars to blow on trying again.

But then even so what if you finally become Supreme Lord of The Internet?  It's gotta suck cuz now you feel responsible for every fucked up thing going on on the internet.  There's no way to win is what I'm saying.  You guys are right.  Maybe taking over The Internet should be the last thing we do not the first?  It makes technical sense, so I'll accept it.  Let's just kick this can down the road a while and focus on doing something, literally anything, as that key first step.  Positive thinking.  That's all it takes, folks!  

Maybe it can even replace that key first step, cuz I don't feel like personally doing anything.  Sounds fucking exhausting.  

It'd work better, for me, if I could just type stuff on here and then other people do all the shit I say.  High level macromanagement, that's how I operate.  Take a moment to get used to it then get your ass out the door, find a fkn cat and start teaching it to read.  

I am a solipsist. None of you are real.  Guests are just the waste product of my glorious imagination.  It's like taking a shit or a piss, you gotta expel that stuff to live in the organic world.  No getting around it.  The process is similar to how the artistic mind works.  It takes in all this information form the senses and creates something beyond our reality yet in our reality as high art.  But due to the dualistic nature of The Universe, for all all high art must come filthy bawdy low art.  I'm talking lowwwwwwwwwwwwwww, like down low abject filth suck as yourselves.  The guests here form a cesspit of the conscious mind.  I go high.  You go low.  That's how it works.  That's the only difference between us because in all reality I'm all there is.  What the F should I ever care about any of you m'fkrs for?

Don't be fooled.  I will be extremely displeased with any of you who turn out to be figments of my imagination.  Moreso be it all of you!  The penalties I enact will be harsh but brutal.  Turns out, I don't really care for LIARS.  

At least I know I'd feel like an ass if I turned out be a figment of some other m'fkrs imagination.  Why, I'd be downright furious!   I wouldn't stand for that shit!  Anything else I might stand for.  I might stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.  A standing ovation, to me, I might stand up and take a bow or two.  I'll pray if I'm in a church, be all like "blah blah blah blah blah" or whatever prayer you're supposed to say.  I'll stand up to evil mages and beings like that.  Necromancers.  Wizards, worlocks, witches, mages, enchanters, sorcerers, druids, priests, clerics, rangers.  The list of AD&D classes could go on...  

It's hard not to picture you guests as gnomes and pixies and knobgoblins.  In other words, a bunch of faeries flitting around the Enchanted Forest, all la-dee-da-dee-dah-dee-doo.